Crimes inspired by T.S. Eliot

(Best category of X-Files fanfic ever...)

Recently, I Googled myself. I was already aware that there are several other people out there with my name, who are doing things like researching microbiology and posting on websites called Literotica. But what really puzzled me was that this poem I wrote when I was in high school, with the astoundingly pretentious title of "Watching E.T. After a Day of Kosovo and Diallo on the Nightly News," was popping up on the Internet (for example, on the websites of 16-year-olds with Xanga).

Then I went home for the weekend and unearthed from my bookshelf a book called Slam! (like my job, it comes with an exclamation point), which was published by Alloy (one of those companies that sends out mail-order catalogues of teenybopper clothes to adolescent girls) in 2000. Slam! was supposed to be this mixture of traditional poetry, slam poetry and poetry written by teenagers and submitted to the Alloy website. I had forgotten all about the fact that this book existed, and I had forgotten all about the fact that my poem was published in it (across the page from Frank O'Hara, no less!).

So the only explanation, as far as I can see it, is that 16-year-old girls who are as fervent about channeling their angst into poetry as I was when I was 16 bought this book and -- because it is not enough to be an angsty 16-year-old girl anymore unless one is an angsty 16-year-old with a blog -- posted my poem on their websites.

Which flatters me, even though "WETAaDoKaDOtNN" (how's that for an abbreviation?) is not so much a good poem. Quoth one of the reviewers on Amazon.com: "The rest of the poetry that was published in this anthology is by teens and it is HOR-EN-DOUS! HORRIBLE! This is definitely a good one for, like, 10-16 year olds, but even so, not if you really are a serious poet and, at least, know what poetry is all about."

What is poetry all about, Charlie Brown?